WHERE'S MY VITO?

Captain Vito is the star of a popular action franchise. He is a vigilante adventurer. He upholds order and justice. His own brand of retributive, violent justice. He is tall and strong and handsome. He is loved by many women. Sometimes he yearns for a relationship. He has no shortage of opportunities, but these he rejects, with a heavy heart. His life is too dangerous. His rigid moral code forbids him to expose a woman to such danger, nor marry knowing he could die at any time. He loves children and animals. His constant companion is Torque, a fawn pitbull he rescued from the murderous pimp, Tony the Sleaze. Tony the Sleaze had a sideline breeding pitbulls for dog fights. Mistreating them, starving them, baiting and tormenting them to make them vicious. Captain Vito almost broke down in tears when he saw the animals condition. Locked in cages so small the dogs were unable to even turn around. It made him angry. It made his blood sing for justice. Captain Vito stripped Tony the Sleaze naked. He covered him in lard and blood and gravy and he set the dogs on him. They ripped him to shreds. Tore him limb from limb. Captain Vito took the dogs to a animal shelter and still checks up on them from time to time. Torque he fell in love with. He didn't intend to keep him, but Torque was irresistible. Something in his eyes, some spark of intelligence and loyalty. He didn't want to expose Torque to the dangers of his life as a vigilante adventurer, but now looking back, thinking of all the times Torque has saved his master's life, he's glad he took him. His company, his steadfastness, loyalty and love are what helps Captain Vito keep treading the lonely path of justice and righteousness.
Captain Vito drinks Vito, incessantly. He ascribes to it much of his virility, fortitude and mental acuity. He was created by Vito's marketing division to counter Zoop's co-option of Ricky Dandelion. An early abortive attempt to groom a pop star to rival Ricky directly, Billy Vito, led to the creation of Captiain Vito. The relative commercial failure of Billy Vito reflected badly on the Vito brand. It cemented the popular impression of the company as number two. Perpetual pretenders to the Zoop throne. A different approach was needed. Captain Vito was an inspired gambit. This rugged, 'rebel for order' came to loom large over the cultural landscape giving Vito a level of brand recognition and exposure they could only have dreamed about. His bland catchphrases 'Vito never fails' and 'Where's my Vito?' entering popular parlance. Common catchcrys of the playground, pub, factory floor and office.
Captain Vito is played by Reginald Collarbone, stage name, Ray Flash. An underwear model famed for his washboard stomach before being plucked from obscurity to become Captain Vito. Despite having squired some of the most glamorous models and actresses to award ceremonies and industry parties his private life remains something of a mystery, the source of much speculation. It is in truth, something of a headache for Vito, who know enough of his proclivities to wish they'd taken a little more time over the casting process. A spectacular amount of money has already been spent protecting Flash's reputation.
Here we find him in bed with Kofi Blacksmith, legendarily endowed gay porn star and acting covert agent. He is currently in the employ of Zoop Juice.
'oh, pour it all over me Ray, that's right, oh Ray, it feels good, lick it off Ray, lick it off'

The footage of Ray Flash, aka Captain Vito licking Zoop Juice off the gigantic member of Kofi Blacksmith is the talk of Xanadu and Ganymede. Everyone has seen it. It's a propaganda coup of epic proportions. Vito know what's up. They haven't failed t notice the new found and conspicuously displayed wealth of Blacksmith. The mansion, the extravagant jewellery, the floor length mink... The boardroom is a hothouse of plotting. Maps of revenge are drawn up.